


4D, or How Rimmer learned to stop worrying and enjoy the Dwarf

by thewronglong



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 18:59:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewronglong/pseuds/thewronglong
Summary: Set between series 9 and 10.The crew discovers a new friend and in the process finds that the mining ship Red Dwarf still holds a few surprises.Based around the concept of Arnold Rimmer BSC SSC





	1. Chapter 1

“Aaaaaaaarg!” Lister jumped off his bunk, and yanked the cotton from his ears. “What the smeg even makes a sound like that? It's been going on for 6 hours. Screeeeeeeee, fwump, scree fwump. It'll never stop!”

“You forgot the perklump. It's scree, fwump, scree, fwump, scree perklump”. Rimmer responded casually from his bunk, while flipping through a copy of Morris Dancing Monthly. 

“Now I know what Kryssi was talking about with that bleedin’ pipe!” Lister paced the room, his hands over his ears in frustration. “How do you stand it?”

“I've been listening to your annoying sounds for years. I find it a pleasant change from your incessant snoring. Not to mention the grumbling, teeth grinding, and the farting… don't get me started on the farting. It's like you've got John Phillip Sousa marching up and down your bunk.”

“I don't grind me teeth…”

“Besides” Rimmer continued, “I've put Kryten on fixing the situation, he should find the source any minute, and in the meantime my offer still stands.”

“I'm not listening to Reggie Wilson, I'd rather jab me eardrums out with a number 2 pencil.”

“Suit yourself”

“You know what it reminds me of? When I was about 14 one of me mates had this car. It was an old jalopy he put together with spare parts from his uncle's scrap yard. It didn't even have a back seat, we just threw an old futon back there to sit on. If we turned the windshield wipers off they wouldn't come back on, so we left them on all the time… they had one setting, high. Man did they ever make a racket. That's the sound, but ten times worse”

There was a loud perklump from overhead and they could hear the faint thud of Kryten's feet overhead. A loud Screeeeeeeee let out and then it was quiet.

A short time later Kryten came clunking into the room carrying something about half a meter square and whirring loudly under his arm. “Good news sirs, I've found the source of the racket” He held the little robot up by his face. “Now, if I sit you down are you going to be good?” 

It spun a barrel shaped front wheel covered it little rubber brushes in response, making a little whirring sound, and a series of small beepscame from it's internal workings. 

Kryten sat it down on the floor and it began trying to work it's way across the room. The barrel spun trying to get a purchase on the smooth floor letting out a horrible scree as the rubber grated against the floor, finally it got its purchase and lurched forward its front end falling forward with a loud fwump. It continued its journey, rolling up one of Lister's socks in the process. 

“Hey!” Lister said, grabbing for the sock, just missing it.

Kryten scooped the little robot up and pulled the sock free. “Now that was very naughty. We don't eat Mister Lister's socks” 

“Who would want to?” Cat said from the doorway. He was wearing a dressing gown with matching face mask pulled up on his forehead and a pair of ear plugs hung from a silk cord around his neck.

Kryten put the little robot back down. “Now stay” it whirred but didn't move. “Good boy.” The little robot turned and began brushing at the side of the mechanoid's leg with its rotating drum, almost like a puppy trying to get its master's attention.

“What is that thing, and why was it making such a racket?” Lister bent down to get a better look, but with a quick scree it lurched back behind Kryten.

“It is a Dinge Dolphin Dynamic Dream,” Kryten answered proud of how new find. 

The little robot let out a frustrated beep. “Oh, I'm sorry! He is The Dinge Dolphin Dynamic Dream, 5000… with advanced suction technology and self cleaning brush.”

“But what is it?” asked Cat.

“In essence, sir, it's a robot designed for cleaning pools.”

Rimmer put down his magazine.

“What's it doing on board the Dwarf?” Lister asked, “we don't even have a pool.”

Kryten went to a nearby screen and began pulling a map of the ship.” The old Red Dwarf didn't, but this ship was rebuilt using the original schematics, meaning the gymnasium now has a ¼ Olympic size pool. Very snazzy. There's also a smoothie bar. This little guy must have been cleaning it and somehow escaped and got lost,” he kneeled down in front of the robot, “it's alright little guy, we'll get you back home.”

“From the way you talk to that thing you'd think it was alive.” Rimmer said.

Kryten looked aghast, “Are you implying that I am not?”

“It's an underwater vacuum cleaner, Kryten,” The hologram sniffed.

“How dare you… you, you SMEEEEE HEEE,”

“Calm down, Krytes” Lister played the diplomat, “I'm sure he didn't mean it how he said it.”

“Actually I..” Rimmer began, but Lister cut him off.

“He sure is cute! What we gonna call him?”

Kryten beamed. “His name is The Dinge Dolphin Dynamic Dream 5000”

“That's a lot to say though. How bout,” Lister put a finger to his chin to help him think, he snapped his fingers. “4D”

“How about that?” Kryten asked his new pet, which whirred its approval. “4D it is!”

“Good,” said Cat, “everybody likes a quadruple D”


	2. Chapter 2

The crew, accompanied by 4D, made its way down to the gym the next morning to check out the swimming pool. Cat had no real interest in swimming and had to be convinced by Lister to go.

“I don't know what the big deal is, what's the point of all that water if there's no fish in it.”

“I don't understand you, Cat,” Lister answered, “what's your obsession with fish? It's not like they were any lakes or rivers onboard the Dwarf when your people evolved.”

“Fish don't come from rivers, they come from cans, dummy.”

“Then how's the pool supposed to have fish in it?”

“You put the cans in the water and 'fish’ them out. It was a favorite game of mine when I was a little kitty. We'd have the long sticks with a dangly bit and the end with a magnet attached. Even if you don't catch some fish you still got to play with the dangly bit.”

“Why didn't you just eat the fish out of the cans without bothering with throwing them in water?”

“Why did you used to fish for condoms? At least I could eat what I caught.” Cat smoothed his jacket at sped up to walk ahead, a little offended by Lister's criticism of one of his favorite games.

Lister fell in stride beside Rimmer now. The hologram had been unusually quiet throughout the morning. “So, I wonder what other new benefits we'll find aboard. I wonder if there's any new shops in the mall. Ooooo or maybe one of those snazzy automated massage parlors. How far are we now?"

It took Rimmer a second to respond, having been lost in thought. He wasn't even sure what Lister had said. “Yeah, sure.” He finally responded. 

“You haven't heard a word I said. What's with you today?”

“Nothing is with me" snapped Rimmer, "I just don't feel like prattling on about nonsense like you and that stupid moggy.” 

Lister looked hurt, but said nothing, choosing instead to catch up to Kryten. He'd probably be going on about his new pet, but at least he'd be friendly.

Rimmer considered apologizing, but instead he just watched the scouser's back as he made his way ahead to find better company. It didn't matter, all he wanted to talk about was that pool. Hell, it probably not even there. It wouldn't be the first time the computer was wrong. Or if it was there it would be drained or something. After all something so marvelous as having a swimming pool on board wasn't possible. Good things didn't happen to ol’ Arnie J. 

The gym was dark when they arrived, and Lister tripped over a dumbell someone had left out before finding the light switch. The room was smaller than it first appeared because, to the delight of Cat, three out of four walls were completely mirrored. They left Cat to his preening and followed the signs which read “Pool, Sauna, and locker rooms.”

The smell of chlorine filled Rimmer's nostrils and sent a frisson of memories racing through his body. He walked slowly over and peered into the murky water. 

Meanwhile the little robot was going crazy. It beeped and whirred and scree perklumped back and forth between Kryten and the edge of the pool. 

“What you supposed has got him all wound up?” Lister asked.

“I'm not sure. He's very adamant about it though.” Kryten peered into the pool near the spot that 4D kept returning to. “There appears to be something down there, it's hard to make out.”

“Dear God, don't let it be a body.” Lister lay down at the edge of the pool to get a closer look.

“The water would be much dirtier if it was,” Rimmer squinted, “I think your pet has a friend, Kryten. Must have died and sank to the bottom of the deep end."

Lister gulped at the thought. “How we gonna get it out?”

“I don't know, I'm waterproof to a certain extent, but I'd rather not be completely submerged. Although I'd survive the incident, I'd rather not spend the next forty eight hours drying and oiling myself. You will have to retrieve it, sir.”

“Uhh,” Lister looked like he'd rather spend the night oiling Kryten. He could swim in a pinch, but it was more like floating with a bit of flailing. He still had nightmares about the time he had to go into that lake to find Starbug. “Do you think we could, you know, snag it with a net or something?”

“Fine!” Rimmer said suddenly, “looks like I have to do everything around here,” he was actually quite thrilled at the idea of being the only one with a particular skill set. “Let me get changed and I'll get your little Droid” Rimmer stalked out confidently. As soon as he was out of sight he broke into a sprint to the bunk room. 

He returned in record time. Lister's eyes widened when he saw him. He wore a pair of Speedos, which was more than a little too small, a matching swim cap, and nose guards. He was opening a package. “Sorry I took so long, I couldn't find my blue swimming goggles.” He pulled a pair of pink swimming goggles over his eyes. Before anyone could respond he jogged over and dived smoothly into the murky water. 

A couple of minutes later he resurfaced. “Help me up with this,” Kryten helped pull a robot identical to 4D out of the pool. Where 4D had green trim it had pink.

“Aww,” Lister mused, watching 4D bump against the broken bot, “he has a girlfriend.”

“Don't worry,” Kryten patted 4D, “I'll get her fixed in no time.” 

Rimmer climbed out of the pool about the same time Cat finally joined them. “Whoah!” He exclaimed, seeing Rimmer's getup. “You've been shopping in the kids department?”

Lister sniggered.

“How can you breathe in those?” Cat asked.

“I have you know I…” Rimmer's face suddenly changed in realization, “Cat, I could kiss you!”

“Not wearing that you're not!”

“What with you?” Lister asked, he'd never seen Rimmer look so happy. Not even during those weeks he'd spent in traction.

“I'm dead!” Rimmer grinned.

“You're just now coming to terms with that?”

“Don't you get it?” Rimmer grabbed him by the shoulders, “I'm dead! Which means I don't have to breathe!”

Rimmer ran over and dived back into the pool. He made his way across it at surprising speed.

“Well, what d'you know” Lister exclaimed, “he is a fish!”


	3. Chapter 3

Mr. Lister was hovering again. He did that a lot lately. At first Kryten was happy for his help in rebuilding the broken bot, but in the last few days it had gotten a wee bit annoying. The mechanoid used to wish the man would show more interest in his day to day goings on, but now he realized that he had actually grown to enjoy his alone time. With the man underfoot he didn't seem to have time to just relax and iron a few shirts or maybe watch an episode of Androids. Unfortunately he didn't have the heart to tell the man to smeg off for a few hours so he could concentrate on the task at hand. His last nerve finally got trampled on when Lister dropped a can of beer in his immaculate quarters sending sticky foam spraying all over the room. To his credit Lister did try to clean it up… with yesterday's ironing. 

“Sorry,” Lister said sheepishly, dabbing at the mess with a crisp white pillowcase.

“Quite alright sir,” Kryten was getting better at this lying thing, “why don't you go ahead and get another beer. Isn't there a new bar on B deck now?”

“Yeah, but it's a hookah bar.”

“Well perhaps they have some exotic new drinks as well, I bet they've got some Indian beer that would go perfect with the vindaloos I have put aside for your dinner. Why don't you go see?” The mechanoid shooed Lister out, much like a mother putting her kids in the garden so she can clean the house in peace.

Lister knew he'd been overstaying his welcome with Kryten, but he had been especially lonely lately. Ever since he'd discovered that pool Rimmer had hardly left it. He even had enlisted Bob the scutter for the purpose of timing his laps. The man was obsessed. Lister thought about saying something, but he'd never seen him so happy. 

The Cat wasn't much company either. Since he'd discovered the mirrors in the gym he'd been glued to them. One corner of the room had been taken over with preening products and discarded outfits. Lister had even seen Cat exercising, in a fashion. He'd sit there on front of the mirrors lifting a five pound weight and watching his muscles work. He'd even fashioned himself a few outfits just for this purpose. Lister never fancied himself a gym rat, but it was turning into the place to be aboard the ship at the moment. 

Lister didn't even bother addressing Cat as he passed by him in the gym, and he doubted if he'd be answered anyway. The guy was too engrossed in his own reflection at the moment. 

Upon first entering the pool room Lister thought that maybe he'd shown up at the one time of day that Rimmer wasn't there. The water was much cleaner now, even with 4D working on his own. He could see the little guy chugging along at the bottom. Lister almost turned around and left before he saw the dark outline of Rimmer sitting stark still at the bottom of the pool. His heart leapt in fear at the sight. He had to tell himself over and over that Rimmer was in fact okay. He couldn't drown. 

Peering over the edge of the pool, Lister wondered how he was going to get the man's attention. He looked around until he found a set of diving rings sitting in a nearby chair. He began chucking them in one by one. He was down to the last one before he finally saw a ring make its way down close enough to touch the hologram. The ring actually landed on his head like some sort of neon green halo.

Rimmer had been meditating, or something like it. In fact he was almost asleep. He'd woken up more than once floating around the pool. Sometimes it was from pure exhaustion, other times it had just felt good to float. He only went back to the bunk room at night because he felt like he was somehow shirking his duty as Lister's companion. When he felt the ring fall to his head and saw the wavy outline of the leather clad man he felt that guilt again.

Rimmer surfaced with the ring still on his head. “Can I help you?” He asked testily and swam over to the edge of the pool nearest Lister.

“I just was wondering if you wanted to get a bite with me, or something. You know, dry out for a bit.” 

“I'm not hungry, thanks.” Still he climbed out of the pool. 

Lister couldn't help but notice he'd gotten a better fitting speedo. It wasn't nearly as constricting as the first. He still wore the pink swim goggles and powder blue swim cap, but that's not where Lister's eyes kept wandering to. 

Rimmer pulled the ring off his head followed by the cap. His hair puffed out in a wild mess. 

“You gave me a fright when I came in here,” Lister was saying, trying to keep his eyes above Rimmer's neck. “What were you doing down there?”

“Oh, not much, just relaxing for a bit,” he began towelling off. “It's quite nice, like a sensory deprivation chamber.”

“I bet.” 

“Really, you should join me some time.”

“Sure.” Lister said noncommittally. 

“Im serious, this is the best I've felt in years. I've also beaten my best time by nearly two and a half seconds. That's after years of being out of practice.”

“So that BSC and SSC you like to add to your name was serious?”

“Dead serious. Swimming was the only thing that I was ever good at that my parents didn't explicitly disapprove of. I could have won the freestyle 50 for my division had it not been for that nonsense with Regina Phelps.”

“Who?”

“Regina Phelps. She thought she was so great. I would have got the gold certificate if it wasn't for her. It wasn't fair, the cheat. And I was the one who got cut from the team for demanding an inquiry.”

“What, was she juicing?”

“Well yeah, but that wasn't found out until her senior year. My complaint was about her anatomical advantages, she should have never been let on the team.”

“Why?”

“She had four webbed toes, and one on her right hand. They said I was being discriminatory against her disability. The fools, I never said it was a disability, it was an unfair advantage. Like that bloke who won the Olympics with his bionic legs, you know, the one who killed his wife.”

“Wow,” was all Lister could say to the unexpected rant.

Rimmer took this as an agreement and continued on. “If they'd had taken my demand seriously they would have discovered she was juicing two years early. The team wouldn't have been disqualified from finals and I could have led us to victory. With a big fat scholarship to boot. But no, instead they labeled me as the bad guy. Wouldn't even let me practice in the school pool anymore, the bastards. All because she was a descendant of an Olympian. They just wanted to use her name.”

“So what happened to her?”

“She was disqualified, disgraced. It was glorious. But it was too late for me, wasn't it? The season was over and I was out of practice. Just another disappointment. Oh, well.” Rimmer wrapped the towel around his middle. “I'll beat all of their times now, just a matter of practice.”

“Can we eat dinner first?”

“I suppose. I would like to see how food intake affects my buoyancy and weight. The bee does a pretty good job at mimicking the human body in that regard, but I would like to start experimenting with my settings in order to achieve my optimal speed.”

“Wouldn't that be cheating?”

“It's not like I'm competing, or going to turn myself into a mermaid.” He had considered fins, but dismissed the idea out of fear of doing irreparable damage to his program.


	4. Chapter 4

Lister was starting to get annoyed. Rimmer hadn't even dressed for the meal. He stood there, bare chested and wrapped in a towel as Lister watched him weigh out his spaghetti dinner. He prattled on about swimming like it was the most important thing in the universe. Lister had barely said anything, he didn't have to. The hologram could have just as easily been talking to a wall. He had about as much interest in Lister right now as a wall. Hell, he hadn't even asked him how his day was. Lister wondered why this bothered him so much. In the past he'd just tune the guy out when he went on about Risk or telegraph poles or whatever. Maybe because it was hard not to listen to someone you couldn't seem to drag your eyes off of. He wished the man would put a shirt on. He'd never seen so much of Rimmer's skin for such a long period of time before. It annoyed him, but he didn't want to think about why. 

“Why don't you change?” Lister blurted out.

Rimmer had been in mid sentence. He blinked at the man. “Why?”

“I don't know, because this is the dinner table.”

“Since when did you become auntie manners? There's no reason to change, I'll be going back to the pool as soon as we're through eating.”

“I thought we could do something.” 

“You know I have to work on my time.”

“Fine,” Lister threw down his napkin, “you might as well just go back now then. Sorry to interrupt your practice with my presence.” Lister got up, grabbed a sixer out of the fridge, and left the room.

Rimmer stood there surprised at the unexpected outburst. A glob of spaghetti slid off his fork and landed on his bare toes.

Lister regretted leaving as soon as he was out of the room, but couldn't go back. What would he say? “Sorry, I've been lonely since you've found something you'd rather be doing than hanging out with me.” How pathetic. It's not like he hadn't had time to get used to being alone. Is this what life had become? Another night of wandering the Dwarf alone, leaving a trail of cans behind him. Why did it have to be swimming? Couldn't Rimmer have good at tennis or basketball. Even Morris dancing was better than this. 

Rimmer had gone back to his watery sanctuary almost immediately after Lister had stormed out on him. He couldn't believe the gall of the man, to have the nerve to be angry at him for what, enjoying something? God forbid he have something he enjoyed and was good at. So, he hadn't been around a lot lately, he figured the rest of the crew would be happy about that. They said as much, all the smegging time. It wasn't like they couldn't come to him. There was nothing stopping Lister from using the pool. 

 

It was the ultimate test of his endurance. At least that's what Rimmer was telling himself. He had no idea what lap he was on. His simulated muscles ached and burned, but he kept pushing ahead. If he stopped he'd have to think. It was better to just keep moving.

Lister leaned against a support pillar and watched the hologram swim back and forth, back and forth. How could he keep up such a pace? It was insane. He'd worked up enough liquid courage to come back here and no matter how much he'd yelled he couldn't get Rimmer's attention. 

Rimmer felt a new pain. A sharp jolt to his back. Something had hit him. He stopped mid lap to see an unopened can of lager floating nearby. “Have you completely lost your smegging mind!?” He yelled at his obviously drunk roommate. 

Lister hadn't expected to actually hit Rimmer with the can, just get his attention. He told him as much. “But I've been yelling for ages and you couldn't hear.”

“You've got my attention now. What do you want?”

Lister didn't know. He just shrugged.

“So you just come in here to chuck beer cans at me? How nice. Maybe next time time I can wear a target and you can tally up the bruises for points.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Well?”

“Well… are you spending the night in there?”

“I may, what's it to you.”

“Nothing, just… you spend all your time in here now.”

“I enjoy it. Is the idea that I enjoy something so bothersome to you that you have to come interrupt it by pelting me with lager?”

“I'm happy you're having fun… it's just I miss you.”

Miss him? How could Lister miss him? Sure, he'd said as much when he'd returned, but Rimmer had chocked that up to lip service. He was just making him feel better for giving up his Ace persona to come back home. He couldn't really be missing him. He was probably just bored. Or maybe, a little paranoid part of him hissed, he's just trying to get you out of the water, away from what you love. He decided to test this theory. “You could always join me. There's nothing stopping you from using this pool too.”

“Can't we do something else?”

“I knew it! You can't stand that I'm good at something, that I enjoy something. Can't I have this one thing?”

“It's not that.”

“Then what's the problem? Why do you keep trying to get me out of the water? You say you want me around, but only doing what you want. Why can't we hang out here?”

“Because I can't swim!” Lister yelled in frustration. “Happy?”


	5. Chapter 5

“No, not particularly,” though it was kind of nice knowing that there was something he could do that Dave couldn't. “It's only four foot deep in the shallow end. You could still come in.”

“No,” Lister quipped, “I'll… be okay, g'night.” He turned to leave.

“You're scared aren't you?” Rimmer called to his back. He winced when he heard himself say it. It was supposed to be just a question, not an accusation.

Lister, half drunk and more than a little pissed spun on the heel of a worn out boot. “'m not scared!” For the moment he was right. He wasn't scared, just embarrassed, lonely, depressed, and alright, a little scared, but that was being overcome by alcoholically enriched anger. He tore off his jacket and flung it on a nearby deck chair. His pants and boots followed, with a bit of hopping around. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but began unbuttoning his long Johns. 

“What the smeg are you doing?” Rimmer asked, observing the most unlikely and angry strip tease he'd ever seen.

“Whassit look like?” Lister pushed down the long underwear. Fortunately for Rimmer he'd put on boxers underneath that morning. He ran toward the pool, at the last minute he slipped on the slick tiles and did a very painful looking belly flop, right into the deep end of the pool. 

Normally he would have been able to at least bob to the top and float there, maybe even attempt a desperate doggy paddle to the side of the pool, but the unexpected fall and subsequent pain left him flailing, and sinking. If he'd had the wherewithal to bother with it, Lister would have seen his life flash before his eyes. Instead he felt an arm wrap around him. As soon as he found the handhold that was Rimmer he began trying to climb up him, succeeding only in pushing him down. It took a few seconds, but Rimmer finally worked his way around behind Lister and hook him under his armpits.

“Allright, I got you, Listy,” he spoke calmly into his roommate's ear. He still tried to flail, almost headbutting Rimmer, but he continued to hold on, “Lister! It's okay, you've got to calm down.” He held on like that, until Lister stopped sputtering and finally became still. “Good,” Rimmer spoke calmly, vaguely reminded of the summer he'd spent giving swim lessons to 4-6 year olds. “Can you kick for me?”

Lister reluctantly began to kick his feet. It was odd, a moment ago he was sure he was going to die, but now, in Rimmer's arms of all places, he felt safe. Upon realizing this he began to feel something else. Something he'd always managed to push away. 

“Good boy” Rimmer's voice came from behind him. It occurred to Lister to be offended by that, but instead the simulated breath on his neck sent a shiver down his spine.

“Can you float if I let you go?”

“I-I don't know...” he probably could have.

“Keep kicking then, we're near the edge, then you can grab hold.”

Lister nodded a little. They didn't move directly over to the side of the pool. Instead, Rimmer steered them toward the ladder, using one arm to hold up Lister and the other to keep them moving. 

They made it to the ladder and Lister was a little disappointed to have to let go of Rimmer in favor of the metal bar. He opened his mouth to say thank you, and that he'd been an ass, and that yes, he had been scared, but he wasn't able to get any of that out.

“What the smeg is wrong with you!” The calm of the rescue had given way and Rimmer had realized how scary the whole event actually was,and needless. The fear had turned into anger. “I tell you there's a shallow end, and then you go take a running leap right into the deep end. Have you gone off the deep end yourself? Do you want to drown? Why would you do that?”

All the warm feelings Lister had melted away with the dressing down. He didn't argue though, he couldn't. Not only did the guy have a point, Lister couldn't trust his voice not to break. He did manage to creak out an answer to the last question before starting up the ladder. “Maybe I did it so you'd remember I'm here.”

Filled with guilt Rimmer watched as Lister exited the pool. He wanted to apologise, but couldn't find the words. Part of this was because of the fact that apologies weren't exactly his forte, but mostly he was just distracted by the way Lister's wet boxer shorts were clinging to his body. His words stayed in his throat, clogged by a big lump that formed there as he watched the man snatch up his things and storm out.


	6. Chapter 6

Water filled Lister's lungs. He gasped for air, but only sucked in more liquid. He kicked and flailed, grasping for a a handhold, anything to get him out. Just when he thought his lungs would explode he heard a voice. “I've got you, Listy” strong arms wrapped around his body. He was safe. He wasn't going to die here, alone. He didn't realize at first that they had surfaced. The water was cold and the body pressed against his back was warm. Lister wanted to turn around to see the face of his rescuer, but when he tried to move the arms clung tighter. “Shhh, I've got you..” came the familiar voice, the lips that spoke it brushed his ear. Lister relaxed and let himself be held. 

The warmth emanating from the long, smooth body behind him spread throughout the water, and soon Lister discovered a bed of sand beneath his toes. No longer having to swim, he leaned back into the embrace. The arms that once gripped tight around his chest relaxed and Lister intertwined long slender fingers with his own. 

A burst of new heat spread throughout his body when Lister felt lips press against his neck right where it met the shoulder. The heat settled in his middle. He stared at a thousand stars overhead as the soft kisses continued. A hand broke free from his own and worked its way further down. He hadn't noticed he was naked. And so was the body behind him. He could feel something hot pressed against the small of his back. He wanted to reach behind him and touch it. He wanted to turn around and see his lover, to taste their mouth and see their eyes, to see if they showed the love he felt. The love he felt for his rescuer, his…

“RIMMER!!” Lister gasped as he sat straight up bumping his head on the edge of the bunk. Two parts of him throbbed angrily now. He rubbed one of them as he curled up again. At least he didn't fall out this time. It wouldn't be far to fall though, he was sleeping in the bottom bunk.


	7. Chapter 7

Lister finally rolled out of bed at after an unwinnable battle with his bladder. His head throbbed and he had a good sized knot from where he'd banged it on the lip of Rimmer's bunk. He had another throbbing ache a bit lower, one that did not go away after he had emptied his bladder. He cursed the thing, and cursed himself. 

Why did the dreams have to come back? He hadn't had them since they had returned to the Dwarf. They had been pushed from his subconscious when the new, living Rimmer had appeared. Such feelings could not be entertained. It hadn't even been his Rimmer, after all. When his Rimmer did return he couldn't help but notice the lump that formed in his throat when he first said he was staying, passing the torch to his doppelganger. It had taken months to quell the crush to a slow simmer. It wasn't like he could do anything about it anyway. He was well aware of the way homosexuality was viewed on Io, a view that Lister suspected had been beaten into poor Rimmer at a very early age. He thought he was safe from himself, but now, after last night's dreams, his pot was at a rolling boil. 

A cold shower, he thought to himself, that would work. Yeah, no. Soon the hot water flowed freely and the room filled with steam. Lister scrubbed at himself angrily, trying to ignore the distraction that hung heavily throbbing between his legs. It was no good, his hands kept wandering downward. He groaned to himself, giving in to the inevitable as he leaned against the wall and took himself in hand. He cycled through his usual safe harem of imaginary lovers. The usual wouldn't do, his mind kept wandering back to a broad smooth back, soft reddish curls begging to be tugged on, a certain pair of tight blue speedos… Long smooth strokes quickened at the thought of sliding them down, taking care to kiss and lick what had once been nestled inside. He imagined how Rimmer would writhe and moan at his caresses, and the surprise on his face when he took him into his mouth. He could almost feel the texture of it pressed against his tongue, the taste of him, the feel of it spurting down his throat.

It was too much. Lister's knees almost buckled as he came. He whimpered as he slid down the wall, squeezing out the rest of his orgasms. He sat, shamed, on the hard tile floor. Yep, his pot was definitely boiling over, and soon, if he wasn't careful, he was going to have a second mess on his hands.


	8. Chapter 8

Rimmer had spent the night underwater, meditating, or at least trying to. He sat at the bottom of the deep end trying not to think about how just hours earlier he thought he was going to lose the only person in his life he really cared about, and, more importantly, the only person who'd ever seemed to care about him. The simulated adrenaline had taken far to long to wear off. He had spent a good hour pacing back and forth on the wet deck cursing first Lister's stupidity for pulling such a stunt then his own for snapping at the man then letting him leave. He thought about finding Lister, and apologizing, but his pride held that idea in check. Besides, there was no telling where the damp, drunken, scouser had gotten off to now. He was probably passed out by now. What would he say “sorry I saved your life after you tried to drown yourself in my one sanctuary after pummeling me with beer” Rimmer knew better. It was the truth wasn't it? The why did he feel like smeg about the whole situation? He couldn't reconcile the feeling in his gut with the anger in his brain. So he had done the only thing a person in his place could do, he got back in the water.

He hadn't even dozed when his internal alarm went off. He contemplated having a go at a few laps, but it didn't have the appeal of the day before. He had too much on his mind. Well one thing really. The hurt that had shown on Lister's face when he'd snapped, or was it the fact that the man had thought he'd forgotten him in favor of the pool. In fact, it was the idea that he had been missed. Missed? He of all people? Sure, Lister had said as much when he'd returned, but that was just lip service. Something you say to a co-worker who's been out sick. “We missed you at the meeting yesterday, Barrie”. No one had ever missed him, except maybe with a few spitballs. Even his mother, who would always gush over his brother's return from school would just look him up and down sniff. It couldn't be. But all the signs were there… weren't they? He knew it was too dangerous to entertain the idea of being missed, because it implied that he was wanted. And no one wanted ol’ Arnie J, right? It was a new idea. One that excited him in a way he didn't like. He pushed that feeling away. He knew better. Still, it would be beneficial to be sure he was wrong.


End file.
